The surprising truth about sex dreams
Having sexy dreams about your boss or best friend? When it comes to dreaming, nothing is ever what it seems. Here’s what the experts say.
It’s the kind of erotic scene captured on celluloid: crashing waves, clothes being torn off and just as the moment reaches a crescendo (thank you, sudden dramatic musical score), you realise that you’re not only getting intimate with someone unexpected such as your boss or a friend, but that you’re also enjoying it.
So, what does this all mean?
Dream analyst and author Jane Teresa Anderson says although sex dreams are rarely talked about, they’re incredibly common – particularly the ones that make us go, “Eww!”.
Here, Jane Teresa and Lovehoney psycho-sexologist Chantelle Otten, answer our key questions about sex dreams, and explain why nothing is ever what it appears to be when the subconscious mind is at work.
Why do we have sex dreams?
It would be easy to jump to the conclusion that you could be secretly attracted to the person starring in your dreams, but this is probably not the case, Jane Teresa says.
“It’s rare that your dreams are in any way connected to the physiological state of your body,” Jane Teresa explains.
“Although dreams are unique to each dreamer, they symbolise aspects of issues we’re dealing with in life, or aspects of our personality that are proving problematic for us.”
If you’ve dreamed of a particular colleague, for example, Jane Teresa recommends taking a moment to find three words to describe that colleague’s personality or approach to life and then seeing how those characteristics might apply to your life as it currently stands.
“If you said ‘impatient’, it could be that you’re having an issue related to your own impatience about something,” she says.
“Exploration of the theme is vital to understand why you’re having these dreams.”
Is whom I dream about significant?
No, it isn’t, Chantelle says.
“Even if the content of your dream might be uneasy, such as cheating on your partner or sleeping with your boss, it doesn’t necessarily mean that something is wrong,” Chantelle explains.
“Instead, they may simply possess a personality trait that you admire and haven’t yet developed within yourself, and this could be anything from their kindness, fashion sense or even their skills as a leader.” However, Chantelle adds, it’s important not to over-analyse as it’s normal to have dreams about people you interact with frequently.
What’s the best way to interpret my sex dreams?
If you find yourself revisiting dreams which horrify you, it’s time to purchase a dream journal and start jotting things down the minute you wake up.
“If you let the dream float away without writing down all the details, you’ve lost a great opportunity to get to know yourself more deeply,” Jane Teresa says.
She recommends writing down the dream, as well as the three key attributes of the person you’re dreaming about, before looking into what those attributes might represent in your own life.
Chantelle says while it’s best not to interpret your sex dream literally, keep in mind that they can give you greater insight into your sexual desires and inspire fantasies to act out with a partner.
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What if I want the sex dreams to stop?
If you’re keen for dreams to stop, it’s worth considering “dream alchemy” exercises, Jane Teresa says. “Once you’ve had your dream and processed what it could mean, you stay awake, close your eyes and reimagine yourself back in the dream – only this time, you’ve changed a key element of it,” she explains.
“For example, if you were being chased by a demon, this time you could turn to face it and transform it into a happy puppy – it’s a way of changing the outcome of your dream.”
Just remember, these dreams are about you and nothing to do with the person you’re dreaming about. “If you learn one thing, it’s to never treat the person you’re dreaming about any differently,” Jane Teresa says.
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Written by Dilvin Yasa.
