Voluntary celibacy is on the rise – here’s why

Could saying no to sex be the secret to a happier, more purposeful life? According to followers of the voluntary celibacy trend, the answer is a resounding ‘yes’.

These days, you can order a hot date as easily as a hot dinner.

But an increasing number of people are saying, “Hell, no!” to hanky-panky and embracing a new craze sweeping social media – voluntary celibacy.

Thanks to TikTok, #celibacy has clocked up over 220 million views (and counting), with proponents claiming a wealth of physical, mental and emotional benefits.

So, is a bonking ban really the secret to a happier, healthier and more fulfilling life?

Why more people are opting for celibacy

Associate Professor Lauren Rosewarne, of The University of Melbourne School of Social and Political Science, says the rise in voluntary celibacy – or choosing a sex-free lifestyle – could be explained as a rejection of hook-up culture.

“Many people find online dating unsatisfying and demoralising,” Assoc Prof Rosewarne says.

“The hook-up experience (itself) can also be distinctly dissatisfying for women.”

Australian Institute of Sexology and Sexual Medicine sexologist Jasmine Zahner agrees.

“There’s no arguing that, in some cases, hook-up culture comes with a level of toxicity that takes a toll on people’s mental health and wellbeing,” Jasmine says.

“Other drivers of voluntary celibacy are religion, sexual dissatisfaction and a desire to focus on personal and professional growth.”

So, is voluntary celibacy good for you?

Assoc Prof Rosewarne says there are a few compelling benefits to voluntary celibacy.

“Being able to choose your circumstances, rather than feeling like they’ve been thrust upon you, is important for self-esteem,” Assoc Prof Rosewarne says.

She says celibacy also reduces your risk of sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies, and can make it easier to prioritise your physical, mental and emotional health.

Jasmine says taking a break from sex can allow you to redirect time and energy to other areas of your life, such as family, friendships, career or improving your self-love and mental health.

It can also improve clarity during the early stages of a romantic relationship, she says.

“Sex can complicate feelings, particularly during the dating stage, because it stimulates the release of oxytocin, your ‘love hormone’, which promotes positive feelings and is associated with bonding,” Jasmine says.

“So, forgoing sex may mean you are less influenced by the associated positive feelings and bonding attributes.”

The downside of voluntary celibacy

Maintaining a celibate lifestyle is not easy, Assoc Prof Rosewarne says.

“Forging and sustaining intimate relationships with others might be difficult, if not impossible, if sex is ruled out,” Assoc Prof Rosewarne says.

“Many people experience feelings of closeness through sexual intimacy – and being horny is normal and natural.”

Jasmine says it can also be very isolating.

“Not everyone will understand or agree with your decision to abstain from sex,” Jasmine says.

“Dating can also be quite challenging, as some people may not be interested in getting to know you further if they know sex is off the table – a lot of people consider sex to be a very important part of a relationship and may not want to proceed without it.”

Read more on sex and relationships:

• Is it OK if married couples hardly ever have sex?
• Why people are choosing platonic life partners
• Lost your libido? How to fire up your sexual desire
• Why more people are embracing solo dating
• Mindful masturbation: Why solo sex is the latest in self-care

Written by Dimity Barber.