9 great ways to strengthen your family’s bond
Amid life’s hectic pace and challenges, a strong and happy family may seem an impossible dream. But, it is achievable, and two experts share how.
Competing for your child’s attention against their friends, endless extracurricular activities and the lure of technology makes modern parenting far from child’s play.
And let’s face it, parents are pretty time-poor, too.
But in all the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s worth striving to build vital, lasting relationships in families.
The Longitudinal Study of Australian Children reports for most children, their family offers them love, support and a sense of belonging.
And a strong, happy family unit can help kids develop social networks, equip them with resources and a safe place to learn and explore, and teach them about the world and the rules that govern it.
It also reports children who have a very close relationship with one or both parents when they are aged 12 to 15 have higher levels of resilience at ages 16 to 17.
Two of Australia’s leading psychologists, Sandy Rea and Michael Carr-Gregg, offer some simple advice to help your entire family thrive.
Look after your wellbeing
Sandy says happy family dynamics are founded on the mental health of the parents.
You cannot expect your children to thrive if you are not thriving yourself.
So, take time to look after your own health and wellbeing.
And look at what sorts of examples you are setting your kids with your own behaviour.
Are you drinking too much?
Do you spend too much time on your phone?
Are you happy and fulfilled or stressed and anxious?
Encourage playdates
Families shouldn’t expect to spend every spare moment of their time together.
Michael says encouraging children from an early age to have a rich repertoire of friends is an “insurance policy for the future” on their ability to obtain, maintain and retain relationships.
“It’s the single greatest predictor of any kid’s wellbeing,” Michael says.
Set boundaries
Never be afraid to have expectations for your kids.
Children need structure and guidance from parents to feel like they are on sure footing and to make good decisions.
“You are not there to be your child’s best friend,” Sandy says.
“That is not your job. They are not there to validate you.
“You are there to ensure parental oversight, show love, care, fun and guidance.”
Talk to teens informally
Michael says often the only way to have a meaningful talk with a teen is in an informal setting.
“Anything else and they cringe,” he says.
“So, talk to them while you are driving in the car or kicking a ball in the park or cooking the dinner.”
Connect one-on-one
Everyone likes to feel special.
For big families that can be difficult.
But spending regular quality time with each family member — whether that be a grandparent, a child or sibling — is a good way to check in and strengthen individual relationships within the wider family unit.
It doesn’t have to be a grand occasion.
A simple phone call to an extended member of the family or a five-minute chat with a child at bedtime will strengthen the relationship.
Delegate jobs
Giving children chores improves happy family dynamics.
It takes some pressure off parents to have kids chipping in.
Kids who contribute to household tasks have feel a greater sense of competence and responsibility.
“Giving kids responsibility for helping to prepare a meal, or making sure that they have the capacity to go down to the shops to buy a carton of milk, shows that you trust them,” Michael says.
“I would get my kids to put together the furniture from IKEA.
“To this day they remember that I trusted them to do that.”
Eat meals together
The family that dines together stays together, according to Michael.
“Ritual and tradition give families a sense of ‘us-ness’, meaning and belonging,” he says.
“Virtually nothing is more important than establishing those little rituals.
“The kid that eats alone in their bedroom is a kid who is headed for trouble.”
Set phone limits
While some families swear by regular digital detoxes to help maintain close bonds, it’s not easy for everyone to put their phones away.
Michael suggests that parents set very clear parameters around phone use.
And that means no screens in the bedroom.
“Having limits set on the amount of time that you can be on your phone just comes from the university of the bleeding obvious,” he says.
“You don’t want kids with their faces in a screen the whole time.”
Communicate
Laying the foundations for honest communication should start from the time children are small.
“If you stuff up big time when they are little and fail to create an environment where they feel safe, valued and listened to, then you’re going to have a much more difficult time later on,” Michael says.
“So being firm, kind and understanding when the child is going through early adolescence is the secret of maintaining the communication later on.”
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Written by Siobhan Duck.
