Want to improve your sex life? One considerate change could be key
If you are in a long-term relationship and your sex life has become a tad stale, this simple household tweak could make all the difference.
Couples often try to share everything equally, but it doesn’t always pan out that way – and your sex life can suffer.
Australia Institute of Family Studies research has found women are far more likely to be unsatisfied with the distribution of housework than their male partners.
Inequality in household labour can contribute to a diminished sex life, according to a recent study, because inequality breeds resentment in a relationship and leads to seeing one’s partner as a dependant.
Why inequality at home is affecting your sex life
“Our research shows that inequitable divisions of labour directly contribute to lower sexual desire in women partnered with men,” co-author Dr Sari Van Anders says.
“On average, women do 2.5 more hours of work per day than men do, which should give us all pause.
“Women are often positioned as something more like their men partner’s caregiver.
“That’s not a sexual relationship and not surprisingly negatively impacts the women’s sexual desire.”
Is your household workload unfair?
AIFS researcher Dr Jennifer Baxter says while many women are now working similar hours to their male partners, the burden of housework still falls predominantly on them.
“It’s very, very gendered what’s happening with sharing housework, with the women doing much more, in many families,” Dr Baxter says.
“It’s kind of that feeling that extra burden, and sense of unfairness that comes with, well, we’re both working longer hours, but still, there’s an expectation that I do this.”
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How do you address the workload with your partner?
Swinburne University academic psychologist Dr Simone Buzwell says people expect sex to reduce as a relationship becomes less new and exciting, but research shows inequality in terms of housework is also to blame as women are left exhausted.
To reverse this, Dr Buzwell says it is best for people to try and discuss inequalities with their partner without blaming them for the situation.
“Using the ‘I’ statements, that ‘I’ feel that ‘I’ would appreciate extra assistance with these tasks and seeing how that will happen,” she says.
“If it’s not working and if the communication is poor in the relationship … I recommend that people seek an external person that can help them mediate some of these conversations.”
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What are the best methods for dividing work at home?
It can be difficult to change a dynamic that has developed over a long period of time.
Because of this Dr Buzwell says it is best to introduce problems by breaking them into small parts.
“(You should ask) ‘Can you take over this particular task for me?’ and make it very concrete for the other person how they can help you,” she says.
“I’m sure there’s goodwill in these relationships.
“So, make it very clear to the partner how they can assist you.”
But the responsibility to change house dynamics should not rest entirely on women.
“Talk to your partner, ask them how you can assist them, what things they would like to discuss,” Dr Buzwell says.
“Just open up those communication channels and you’ll probably find that your relationship will be better and your sex life will be better.”
Written by Bryan Hoadley.
