Could ‘dry dating’ help you find your perfect match?

Dry dating looks set to stay. Find out why you don’t need Dutch courage to have a great first date – and how to make this sober trend work for you.

When you think of first-date venues, there’s a good chance the activities and locations that immediately spring to mind are places and events that typically serve alcohol, right?

But what if spending time getting to know someone didn’t involve a drink?

Meet dry dating, which means dating without alcohol, regardless of whether you do or don’t drink at other times or in other areas of your life.

And according to a recent trends survey performed in the UK by dating app Bumble, it’s becoming increasingly popular, with 34 per cent of users saying they’re more likely to go on a sober date now than they were before the pandemic.

So, what’s the appeal of dry dating?

The same Bumble survey also showed that 62 per cent of daters believe they’ll form a “more genuine connection” on an alcohol-free date.

These results don’t surprise 30EverAfter dating coach and blogger Iona Yeung.

“I think when you date without relying on alcohol, you really show up as yourselves,” Iona says.

Psychologist Tara Hurster – founder of The TARA Clinic, which specialises in helping people overcome addiction – agrees that the benefits of dry dating include getting to know the true person, rather than a lubricated one.

“Alcohol is a mood-altering substance so when we drink it, our inhibitions are reduced,” Tara says.

While it might help to calm your nerves, it will also change the way you feel about someone you’re meeting, she adds.

“For example, people may appear funnier than they are – because the person making the jokes is letting themselves be ‘free’, but you’re also more ‘loose’ to find them funny,” she explains.

“This means you’re forming the foundations of a relationship on a lie.”

Sobriety and “grey area drinking” coach Sarah Rusbatch agrees.

“By not drinking on a date, you’ll actually get to see if there’s a true connection there,” Sarah says.

“And you’ll also be in a better place to judge if there’s not, without alcohol clouding things – you don’t want to risk ending up dating someone whom you only feel compatible with after they’ve had a few drinks.”

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How to make dry dating work

If you’re still not convinced you could go on a dry date, the following tips should help make it work:

Calm your pre-date nerves

If you’d usually rely on alcohol to feel calmer, Iona says using affirmations can help here.

“This may sound ‘woo woo’, but it’s backed by science that your thoughts dictate your reality,” Iona says.

“So find a phrase that helps calm your nerves, and helps you get excited about the date at the same time – one of my favourites is ‘if this is not the guy for me, I’ll have an amazing experience and maybe make a friend’.”

Be savvy about how you date

“Firstly, avoid meeting in places where people go to drink – like a bar or a pub,” Sarah suggests.

“I also think that it’s so helpful if you have an activity planned for the date, because if all you’re doing is sitting opposite each other, staring at each other, when you’ve never really spent time together before, that could feel really confronting and awkward.”

Instead, she suggests you organise to go for a walk, or meet to do something active together, such as kayaking or tenpin bowling.

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Set yourself up for success

In a nutshell, this means doing your best to date someone with similar interests – including valuing dry dating if that resonates with you.

Tara, who has worked in addiction treatment for over a decade, says she was single and dating for a lot of that time.

“I rarely drink, so I knew it was very unlikely that I’d meet my person in a bar or a pub because we probably wouldn’t have that much in common,” Tara explains.

“I encourage my clients to consider what lifestyle – or style of life – they want for their future and do activities that link up with that.”

She says in doing that, you’ll meet people who’ll likely be more aligned with that lifestyle, and there’s less chance of friction in the future.

Written by Karen Fittall.