WELLBEING

A beginner’s guide to sex toys

22 June, 2023 . 0

Sales of sex toys soared during the pandemic, but if you’re yet to join the party, our experts share advice on how to get started – and enjoying the benefits.

While some statistics suggest at least 40 per cent of us own a sex toy, a recent study shows that one in 10 Australians bought a new one when things locked down thanks to Covid.

And for nearly 25 per cent of those people, it was their first sex-toy purchase.

Christine Rafe, sex and relationship expert for Lovehoney, isn’t surprised that more and more people are getting involved.

“The slow social reframing of pleasure and sex from something that’s secretive, shameful and ‘bad’ to a part of healthy human functioning has contributed to the normalisation of masturbation and the incorporation of toys in solo and partnered intimacy,” Christine says.

“But there’s definitely still somewhat of a stigma around toys, something that I notice more when it comes to incorporating toys in couples’ sexual intimacy.

“A big part of this is the untrue messages we receive that a partner ‘should’ be able to fulfill our every sexual desire and need.”

The perks of sex toys

Christine says incorporating toys creates space for exploration and play.

“They are also a great way to support orgasmic potential and provide different types of stimulation – and the more we vary our solo and/or partnered sexual intimacy, the more our brain creates new neural pathways that tell us pleasure is possible in many ways.”

Australia’s leading men’s sex coach, Cam Fraser, says there’s another benefit, too.

“A perk that is related to my work as a men’s sex coach is that certain toys can help men overcome sexual dysfunction,” Cam says.

What to look for in a sex toy

If you’re a first-time purchaser, Cam has this advice: “I recommend starting with something smaller, simpler and less intimidating if it’s your first toy.

“You can always work your way up to something bigger and fancier.

“In terms of research, you want to get a feel for what type of stimulation you enjoy and what type of sensations you find pleasurable.

“This will inform your purchases.”

Christine agrees and adds another tip:

“Also consider how you’d like to incorporate toys into your sexual play – are you wanting it for solo sessions, to use with a partner, or both?”

Feeling shy about sex toys? Here’s the fix

Christine says the first step is reminding yourself that sexual pleasure is nothing to be ashamed of.

“Most of our embarrassment around sexual pleasure and toys comes from ingrained sex-negative social narratives, so challenging our internal narratives can help overcome any embarrassment,” she says.

“Remember that your body is capable and deserving of pleasure.

“And using an online platform such as Lovehoney allows for private browsing of all different kinds of toys as well as discreet payment and packaging.”

When two’s company

If you’re keen to introduce a toy to your sex life as part of a couple but aren’t sure how, Cam says having a conversation first is a good idea.

“Consider framing the conversation positively, like ‘I really enjoy having sex with you and I’d like to explore more ways that we can experience pleasure together’.”

Christine agrees that talking first is key.

“Having an open, two-way conversation by being curious with your partner about what they’d like to explore more of sexually creates a safer space to discuss your interests and desires while being open about theirs, too.

“If your partner is on board, make it a fun experience by discussing and looking at toys together, considering what each of you would like to explore with your pleasure.”

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Written by Karen Fittall.