WELLBEING

Feeling lonely this Christmas? You’re not alone

10 December, 2023 . 0

Not everyone revels in Christmas cheer. Festive loneliness describes feeling isolated around holidays or celebratory events, and experts say it is on the rise.

The holiday season traditionally represents celebration, love and togetherness, but for some people it serves as a glaring reminder of what is missing in their lives.

As loneliness is increasing in many parts of the world, a Red Cross survey on festive sentiment has found 31 per cent of Australians often feel lonely around the Christmas period.

What triggers festive loneliness?

There are a number of reasons people may feel lonely around the festive season.

Common reasons for feeling lonely include fractured relationships, death of a loved one, a significant life transition such as divorce or major move, and the holiday period can intensify feelings of grief, loss or sadness.

“Christmas typifies the time when families and friends get together,” psychologist Sandy Rea says.

“That’s the joy of Christmas – it’s a celebration of the holiday period, another year ending, families sitting together having lunch and dinners.

“For people who’re lonely, never is there a more obvious time that ‘I don’t have any of those things in my life’.”

How does loneliness impact our health?

Often dubbed the ‘silent killer’, loneliness can easily go unnoticed, Sandy explains.

“If you have a broken leg or you’re in hospital, everyone can see that, but with loneliness it’s a deeply personal experience,” she says.

But feelings of loneliness can significantly increase the risk of a range of serious health conditions, including heart disease and stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, addiction, dementia, self-harm and suicide.

“Christmas is one of the times that suicide peaks, because of that loneliness,” Sandy says.

Why feeling lonely doesn’t mean you’re alone

Sandy says loneliness is not the same as being alone.

“Someone who is physically alone may not be lonely – they may enjoy their own time, their solitude,” she explains.

Loneliness, on the other hand, is a feeling deep inside you.

“You could be surrounded by people, but not feel connected,” Sandy says.

“Loneliness is the feelings inside you that are generated when you see other people together – you may feel sadness, you might feel grief or ostracised.

“You might feel ‘why isn’t anyone talking to me’ or ‘I don’t feel that I’ve got people in my life’.”

What can people do if they’re experiencing festive loneliness?

Key to addressing loneliness is understanding why you may be feeling that way and your own role in how you’ve arrived in that position, according to Sandy.

“The correct word we use is ‘agency’ – we have an agency over how we want to be connected to other people,” she explains.

“It’s really important to ask ‘what is your agency in how you have found yourself in this position?’

“Understand what’s going on in your life and how can you adapt or change so that you are not alone, so you don’t have these feelings of suffering and painfulness that many people who suffer long-term loneliness feel.”

Once you understand your own contribution to your feelings of loneliness, Sandy says you can then take steps to reduce those feelings that work for you and your situation.

“If you feel there’s a distance between your family, consider repairing some of the damaged relationships – but start reaching out well before Christmas so you’re not left dispirited on the day.

“Or if you’re interstate and alone, see if can reach out to two or three people and initiate some sort of dinner function.”

Other strategies that may help include volunteering, getting an animal or spending more time outdoors.

How can people help others who may be experiencing festive loneliness?

If you notice someone you think may be lonely, Sandy suggests being brave, having a chat and offering some of your time.

“If this person has suffered a loss then this is a great opportunity to connect with them,” she says.

“Perhaps you could ask them to join you and your family at Christmas.

“Most importantly, just connecting with someone will really alleviate some of their loneliness.”

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Written by Claire Burke.