5 ways you could be making your problems worse
The actions we take can sometimes make our issues worse. Here are five common behaviours you shouldn’t do when emotional problem solving.
Rocky relationships, financial pressures, work conflicts, family dramas – let’s face it, we all have problems.
And while they may come in all shapes and sizes, they tend to have one thing in common: they don’t solve themselves.
But if despite your best efforts when emotional problem solving your issues just keep getting bigger, you could be making one of these mistakes.
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Behaviours that can make an issue worse when emotional problem solving
Running away
Running may offer a wealth of health benefits, but trying to outrun your problems will make you feel worse – and it could even lead to exercise dependence, according to a recent study.
“Many of us will naturally want to run from a problem because problems are difficult – otherwise they wouldn’t be a problem,” psychologist Dr Marny Lishman says.
“Unfortunately, that not only leaves the problem unresolved, it may also involve running from things you enjoy, such as your job, people, or where you live.”
Dr Lishman says it’s more effective to confront the problem head-on by talking it through.
Bottling your emotions
Australian Psychological Society president Dr Catriona Davis-McCabe says bottling up emotions may feel like a short-term solution, but in the long run, the negative effects often outweigh any short-lived relief.
“Negative feelings can build over time and come crashing down in a moment, which can be harmful or even life-threatening,” she says.
“Accepting, validating and normalising emotions as you experience them avoids this risk and is overall a healthier and more timely solution.”
Catastrophising
Catastrophising – or always assuming the worst – can make problem-solving incredibly difficult, Dr Davis-McCabe says.
“It can trigger your fight or flight response, making rational processing very hard to accomplish.”
Dr Davis-McCabe says it is better to ground yourself in what you can control and break up the problem into more manageable pieces.
Ignoring the issue
Trying to ignore an issue is counterproductive, according to Dr Lishman.
“Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away – often, we end up focusing more,” she says.
Dr Davis-McCabe says it also only delays the inevitable.
“The best way to stop this negative spiraling is by identifying your patterns of avoidance early and countering them with practical solutions like self-checking negative thoughts with positive ones or engaging with friends or family about your problem,” she says.
Playing the blame game
Finger-pointing is a common defence mechanism to shift emotional pain, Dr Lishman says.
“Taking responsibility for the solution actually helps us take control and ease the emotional pain more quickly,” she says.
Dr Davis-McCabe says blaming others can damage relationships and cause us to ignore our true feelings.
“When we make mistakes, and then take ownership of them, we effectively build our confidence and self-esteem, which in turn helps us to grow as a person,” she says.
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When to seek help with emotional problem solving
Dr Davis-McCabe says if you are feeling overwhelmed by day-to-day issues, a psychologist may be able to help.
“Psychologists are highly trained professionals skilled in helping people with a range of mental health and wellbeing concerns,” she says.
“A psychologist can help a person understand their thoughts and behaviour and create strategies to generate more productive coping mechanisms.”
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Written by Dimity Barber.
