WELLBEING

It’s OK to not know. Why admitting ignorance can be smart

10 May, 2023 . 0

You don’t have to know everything, and experts say recognising this can be liberating. Here’s why saying ‘I don’t know’ is sometimes the smartest thing you can do.

You know the feeling. The kids ask you a question, their faces turned expectantly towards yours, or your boss throws a query your way, fully expecting you to answer… and… you just don’t know.

Do you wing it and come up with something that sounds vaguely plausible (like the dad on the Telstra TV ad who when asked why the Great Wall of China was built, said it was “to keep the rabbits out”)?

Or do you fess up and say those three, admittedly difficult, little words – “I don’t know”?

Tenelle Porter, an Assistant Professor in the Department of Educational Psychology at Ball State University in the US, has studied this question at length, and says fessing up is best.

“Intellectual humility is recognising the limits of your knowledge and valuing the insight of someone else’s,” Prof Porter explains.

Why accepting ignorance is the first step to wisdom

Prof Porter says while no one’s knowledge is perfect or complete, it’s how we deal with it that makes the difference.

“When you approach life with intellectual humility, you open your mind to learning – you’re able to learn from opposing views and have more constructive discussions, even when you disagree.

“No matter how old you are, with intellectual humility you become wiser because it helps you be less judgemental of others, learn more, and be a better leader.”

Psychiatrist Dr Tanveer Ahmed says part of maturing is the acceptance “there are going to be a lot of things you just don’t know”.

“It takes a bit of humility because there’s so much information at our fingertips these days that people naturally feel they have to be across everything and be familiar with a lot more,” Dr Ahmed says.

“But part of real wisdom is admitting what you don’t know.”

So how do we actually ‘do’ not knowing?

Good question and we hear you. It sounds great but how do we put admitting we’re in the dark/at a loss/clueless, into practice – and with a little finesse.

Our experts have this advice.

Model it

“Admit when you don’t know or understand something,” Professor Porter says.

“Say ‘That’s a good question, I don’t know the answer, but let’s look it up.’

“Appreciate others’ insights and let them know when they raise a point that you hadn’t considered by saying something like, ‘I never thought of it that way, so it’s interesting to hear what you have to say’.

“Be willing to change your mind and let people know when you do.”

Celebrate it

Recognise when someone demonstrates intellectual humility and give them a pat on the back for it, the experts advise.

“Some people are socially anxious and terrified of being viewed negatively, so encouragement is good,” Dr Ahmed says.

“Try telling them you appreciate how open they’ve been to learning more about all sides of this issue,” Prof Porter adds.

Enable it

“Value learning and point out that it happens when you acknowledge what you don’t know,” Prof Porter says.

“Make a habit of sharing questions you have or new things you’ve learned.

“Establish a birthday ritual of noting how you have changed your mind about different things over the past year.”

Admitting you don’t know something can gain you respect, according to Dr Ahmed.

“It’s a great thing to be curious, to ask questions – people will find that engaging and will respond to it.”

Sounds like a win, win to us!

More on healthy ways to expand your mind:

Written by Liz McGrath.