WELLBEING

Game of love: How to master the art of flirting

24 May, 2023 . 0

From endless DMs to the ‘Love Eye Trick’, flirting sure has changed. So how do you know you’re doing it right? Our experts share tips to help you connect with your love interest.

Back in the day, flirting involved eyes meeting across a crowded bar or dance floor before the offer of a house wine, and getting-to-know-you chitchat.

Now it’s constant scrolling, swiping and endless DMs before ever meeting face-to-face.

And with dating advice coming from unlikely sources including TikTok and YouTube, how do you know you’re doing it right?

We’ve asked our dating experts to uncover the best, and worst, flirting techniques.

But first, why do we flirt?

Some people flirt to test the waters of a potential relationship, while others simply do it for an ego boost, relationship therapist and Love Therapy Australia director Lauren Bradley says.

“Flirting allows us to test the waters of whether someone reciprocates our romantic or sexual interest and serves as a form of intimate foreplay for a greater connection,” Lauren says.

“We flirt to find connection, we flirt to boost our confidence, we flirt because it’s just plain fun!”

The ‘Love Eye Trick’ flirting technique

Made popular by videos created by would-be dating experts on TikTok, “Love Eye Trick” hashtags have been viewed millions of times, but what exactly is it?

Put simply, the trick is to start a conversation with someone you’re interested in, then look into their left eye for one second before shifting your gaze to their lips; after one-and-a-half to two seconds, look into their right eye.

According to Psychology Today, this functions to create a connection, and is based on meaningful eye contact, which is a sign of interest and confidence.

But does the technique really work?

“I had someone try this with me once and it seemed a little weird and contrived!” Life Coaching Melbourne dating and attraction coach Jiveny Blair-West says.

“Ultimately, I think that eye contact can be a very powerful flirting signal – not in a weird, staring way of course!”

Other ways to flirt

Lauren agrees that eye contact can work, but there’s a caveat.

“Eye contact can increase feelings of connectedness – but your crush has to actually want to make eye contact with you first,” Lauren says.

“Feelings that truly connect us are usually authentic and not scripted with the intention for someone to fall in love with us.”

Lauren’s and Jiveny’s top flirting tips

Be authentic

There’s no need for a mask, just be yourself and be truthful.

Listen carefully

Everyone loves being listened to – truly give them the time to talk.

Be willing to share

Open up about yourself; find out if you are actually compatible.

Say something

It doesn’t really matter what you say; saying anything is better than saying nothing as it signals, “It’s OK for you to talk to me”.

Be playful

Bring an energy of playful curiosity – do this through asking questions and gentle teasing.

What not to do when it comes to flirting

Playing hard to get may have worked in Jane Austen’s novels, but Lauren warns it’s not the best technique to try.

“Your future partner doesn’t want you to play games, they want you to be yourself,” Lauren says.

And if you’re throwing down your best lines, but your potential beau isn’t picking up on your signals?

“The great thing about flirting is it can be subtle, and you can gradually escalate the way you flirt to be more direct over time, based on the feedback you’re receiving,” Jiveny says.

“If someone seems completely oblivious to your advances, then you may wish to try a more direct approach.”

Always make sure you’re flirting for the right reasons – don’t flirt with people who you know aren’t available or interested just to get an ego boost, Lauren adds.

“Making someone uncomfortable so that you can feel attractive is really unfair,” Lauren says.

More flirting no-nos

Laying it on too thick, too early
Persevering in the face of negative feedback
Cheesy pick-up tactics
Being too direct

Remember, when it comes to flirting, consent is always key.

“If you’re not getting an affirmative ‘hell yeah, I’m reciprocating this flirting,’ back away now – they’re probably uncomfortable and just trying to be polite,” Lauren says.

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Written by Andrea Beattie.