What your sleeping position says about your relationship

Research suggests the sleeping position couples adopt can shed light on how healthy and happy a relationship is – or isn’t.

If you’ve got a regular bed partner, what are your go-to positions when you’re asleep together?

If you said sleeping back to back, you’re in good company, with research showing that’s the most popular sleeping position for couples.
Sleeping facing the same direction is next, favoured by one out of three couples, and just 4 per cent spend the night facing each other.

Sleeping position vs. touch and distance

Instead of considering which directions you sleep in, what may be more important is whether or not you’re in physical contact with your partner while you sleep – that and how far apart on the mattress you are.

It turns out touch and distance could be a litmus test for how happy your relationship is.

While research shows 94 per cent of couples who spend the night in physical contact with one another say they’re happy with their relationship, only 68 per cent of couples who aren’t in touch while sleeping, agree.

Similarly, 86 per cent of couples who sleep just a few centimetres away from their partner report being happy together, whereas only 66 per cent of couples sleeping more than 75cm apart say the same thing.

Dating and relationship coach Iona Yeung agrees that analysing sleep-related behaviours may be worthwhile for couples.

“I think where and how couples sleep say a lot about the state of their relationship because so much of it is unconscious behaviour,” Iona says.

“Likewise, many couples choose to sleep in separate bedrooms, perhaps because one snores and the other is a lighter sleeper, but in doing so, you lose the intimacy that’s created when you wake up next to the person you love.”

• Sleep divorce: Pros and cons of sleeping in separate beds

How to put your relationship in a better position

If you put your default sleeping position under the microscope as a couple and discover it might indeed be a reflection of bigger-picture issues, the following tips can help:

Keep sleeping together

Regardless of how far apart in bed you might be, a recent study shows you’ll likely sleep better together than apart – and that on its own, sleeping together rather than separately improves relationship satisfaction.

The researchers behind the findings were surprised to discover just how much of a positive impact sharing a bed with a partner had on sleep.

“Sleeping with a romantic partner or spouse shows to have great benefits on sleep including reduced sleep apnoea risk, sleep insomnia severity and overall improvement in sleep quality,” University of Arizona researcher and study author Brandon Fuentes says.

And that matters, with other research making the link between good sleep and a harmonious relationship between partners.

Iona agrees that sleeping together is a smart move.

“Making a pact to sleep in the same room or spoon while sleeping isn’t going to fix a troubled relationship, but it can help couples reconnect,” Iona says.

“Just the simple act of sleeping in the same bed, or even going to bed at the same time, means creating intimate moments that may be missed otherwise.”

Make a habit of thanking each other

According to the results of a US study, couples who regularly expressed gratitude for each other’s actions – no matter how small – felt appreciated and valued, which directly influenced how positively they felt about the relationship.

Even better, the research found that making the effort to say “thank you” to your partner can buffer against, or even counteract, the presence of any conflict-related patterns or relationship difficulties.

Talk about it

If you pinpoint problems in the relationship, try to communicate openly about them with your partner.

Along with having fun and spending time together, this was identified as an important aspect of a satisfied relationship by Relationships Australia’s Relationship Indicators 2022 Report.

“The report shows that 46.2 per cent of people manage their relationship issues on their own,” Relationships Australia national executive officer Nick Tebbey says.

“While many may choose to do so, we must ensure services are available to those who need them and equip all Australians to maintain respectful relationships and support one another through relationship struggles.”

• Rekindle it: How to keep relationship passion alive

Written by Karen Fitall.