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10 January, 2024 . 0

January has earned a reputation as “divorce month’’, but is it warranted? And what can you do if your relationship runs into trouble at the start of a new year?

The first month of the year can lay claim to a lot of things including being prime time for those optimistic-yet-often-unsuccessful resolutions.

Some also think of it as divorce month, that time of the year when more people choose to officially end their relationship by filing for divorce.

But in fact, while US research does show that divorce filings traditionally spike annually in January after hitting a yearly low in December, it also shows that the first month of the year isn’t the most popular month to file for divorce.

“The most common months for divorces to be filed is March and August in the United States,” says clinical psychologist Dr Rowan Burckhardt, director of the Sydney Couples Counselling Centre.

“It’s unclear the reasons for this and there’s a good chance those months may not extend to Australia,” explains Dr Burckhardt, who also says the idea that January is officially “divorce month’’ is a myth.

The truth about divorce month

“It’s important to note that there’s a big difference between filing for divorce versus a relationship breaking down or even going through problems,” Dr Burckhardt says.

“I notice in my practice the busiest time of year is December in the lead-up to Christmas.

“It’s not clear if the stress on relationships is greater at that time or it’s because people want to start therapy before the year ends – I suspect it is in fact both.”

Family lawyer Cassandra Kalpaxis says the end of one year and the start of another is often a busy time.

“We do see a lot of people taking action at that time of year,” she says.

“And while it may not be the ‘final separation’, a lot of couples start a trial separation or begin nesting during the Christmas-New Year period, which often provides a platform for the balance of the year, where the separation may become more permanent.

“People also often use January as a period of reflection,” Cassandra says.

“For those who are unhappy in their relationships, this can be an acceptable period of time where big life changes are welcomed and are more likely to be accepted by family and friends.

“It’s a time where people become more invested in changing their life, and the ability to transition into something new before the kids go back to school is often very attractive for co-parents.”

When couples counselling can help

Dr Burckhardt says separation and divorce is the result of issues building up over time.

“Mostly, couples struggle because they don’t have a good mechanism for resolving differences,” he says.

“Having differences is normal and it’s not the amount of differences that causes problems, but rather the inability to resolve them that causes problems,” Dr Burckhardt says.

He explains that many people resort to anger or suppressing their emotions, rather than being able to effectively express their feelings.

“Fortunately, that’s something they can learn to do through couples counselling and it’s always best to start the therapy early, when problems emerge, rather than letting things build up too much.”

How to manage a separation

Cassandra says if you decide to separate from your partner, it’s important to seek legal and emotional support early.

“You should seek support from a lawyer as soon as possible because we can help you navigate this period and help you approach separation in accordance to the Family Court,” she says.

“Alternatively, we can also help early on in the separation through mediation, where couples can amicably separate without having to go to court.

“For both parties, remember there was a time that you both loved each other – the path of separation doesn’t have to be long, expensive or full of hate.”

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Written by Karen Fittall.